My Borderline

Subject: My Borderline Tue Jan 08, 2008 2:04 pm

I try SO hard and NEVER am happy… I PICK things apart… analyzing… and I always find something wrong… a flaw in everything… never satisfied… never settled… forever hunting for perfection… perfecting in myself… perfection with the world… perfection in everyone… yet I never find the answers I long for… I never find happiness… I never reach true perfection… true utopia within… I never find my balance… forever evaluating life… and all ways discussed with my findings…

why do I keep this cycle alive… why cant I kill off the negative… why can't I accept imperfection… if I always come up short… why do I try… I am so drained from this never-ending cycle of my existence… it gets so hard… always thinking… worrying… always longing for more… I feel so hopeless… so pointless… this struggle… this struggle for something that doesn't even exist… why… why don't I just accept my fait and end this…

I try so hard… yet I have just been standing still all alone… consumed by my analytical nonstop thoughts… I hate myself for being week… for letting this defeat me, day after day… I hate this life… I hate how I am… I hate me… My Borderline 988882